Dating a married african man attitudes online dating

I’ve made up my mind to marry a white man because life is too short for you to live it hoping that you’ll find that one in a hundred black men who will be true to his word and won’t turn out to be a deadbeat. They don’t have mothers from hell who expect you to visit their house so you can cook, clean, kneel and kiss their feet.

They have boundaries and understand that marriage means a man leaves his father and mother and becomes one with his wife.

It’s a difficult thing to understand because our feelings towards black men are a combination of fear, anger and disappointment.

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There is no homogenous ‘black’ or ‘African’ culture, but we do have enough things in common to enable us to say there is such a thing as ‘Western’ and ‘non-Western’ or ‘black’ culture.

Black culture emphasises communality, inter-dependence and defined gender roles.

For a long time that’s how I felt about black men and that’s how many young black women feel today.

We’ve seen our mothers cry over the hurt of discovering yet another affair and have witnessed them covering up the bruises in makeup.

Some have had the benefit of having been raised by a good, loving and trustworthy black man.

Some have had the benefit of a responsible black father. We fear repeating the same pattern of relationship that we saw growing up and consciously or subconsciously we have made the decision that the only way to prevent that is by marrying someone as different as possible to our fathers. But you need to realise that it does not matter what colour the man you marry is, that fear is something that you will carry in to your marriage.Black culture is perceived as inferior because it does not give value to individualism, independence or women.Women who think like I used to have been fed so much Western culture from birth that we’ve never developed the ability to see the value of our own culture or critique Western culture.We know that America was built on the idea of ‘rugged individualism’ and our Western education has taught us that success, even relational success, comes from mastering this in our own lives.Black culture, on the other hand, teaches us that a person is a person because of other people.Your closest male relative is the person who you taught you about what it means to be in a relationship with a man – that man was your father or in his absence, your uncle or grandfather or uncle.

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